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SeaByron's avatar

I appreciate I might be a lucky exception, or it may be the placebo effect, or just coincidences, but because you're curious I'll tell you my story. Nearly ten years of depression that started when I was in my early 20s, after a very traumatic year during which my father nearly died, received a transplant, nearly died again, and then nearly died again, before he finally got better. Then harsh immigration laws forced me out of the life I had built for myself in the last five years and back into my home country, living with my grandma -- and found out she had alzheimer's and was not capable of handling herself anymore. Took care of her for a couple years while working on a project I truly believed in with a partner whom I trusted but ended up running away with all the credit and the money (I should have signed a contract).

Then I moved to yet another country, life was getting better but by then I was strongly under the grip of depression and it was difficult to find any joy. For years I pretended to smile, I was just barely hanging in there. For years I was lonely despite having many friends. Then came Covid, and I lost my job, and at the same time a child relative of mine who, I deeply care about developed a life-threatening rare disease. A friend of mine flew from across the world to help me through this and saved me. Then I started working on another project, with another partner I trusted, with another partner I did not sign a contract with, and I ended up losing $60k+ to that (all of the money I had saved up). While all of this was going on, I also broke up with a person whom I thought was the woman of my life. (I don't blame her, I was a sad mess).

One close friend who had been through depression told me that what I was experiencing was not normal (I had come to believe it was and in fact was seriously entertaining the delusion that every single person in the world was depressed and everybody was just pretending to be happy while deeply suffering inside), that I go get treated. I'd never wanted to get treated cause I never wanted to consider myself sick.

I was in quite a bad state at the time and I couldn't even get on the phone to call a psychiatrist. I had to have a friend do that for me, and I had to have another friend drive me to the appointment. After the appointment, the psychiatrist initially insisted on giving my prescription to my friend because he was afraid I'd take my own life -- despite not having mentioned any suicidal ideation, even though by that point the only reason I did not let myself die was because of other people in my life whom I could not give up on. I was given Lexapro, diagnosed with severe depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder.

Maybe it's the placebo effect. Maybe it's a complete coincidence. But within a month, I started feeling exponentially better. I still remember the first morning that sung again. I was in the shower and I heard somebody sing something in the street, and I thought - oh! life is sometimes so beautiful and graceful! A few months later, I had the energy and self-esteem and self-respect to tell the man who was exploiting me and my money to fuck off. Unfortunately, I had a close relative die and relapsed for a few months, isolating myself far away from the city where I live in. But even those times I "relapsed" I was still significantly better than I had been a year prior. Unlike before, I knew some measure of happiness was actually possible and I was confident it would come back. It took many months, it took exercise, and beyond that it took great support from my friends - but I am now NO LONGER DEPRESSED. I still have my difficulties and flaws, I still have a hard time waking up in the morning, but once I wake up, I go and get shit done, and at the end of the day, I go exercise, and after that I'm pretty happy with myself. There are many more things in my life I need to take care of, but they're getting taken care of, little by little. I have built a much more resilient life. I continue to meet difficulties and challenges but I confront them head on rather than run away from them or duck my head in the sand.

Lexapro and exercise were my only lifestyle changes in that period. Consequently, I credit them with getting better. And I started getting much, much better within a few months of taking them, with noticeable improvements from week 3 onward. I was actually surprised because I didn't think it was gonna work and I had previously been hostile to taking antidepressants. And as an avid reader of Scott Alexander's blog I know that despite his advocacy the data isn't strong.

Maybe all of that is a big coincidence, but my personal opinion is that it is not. I seriously went into this treatment believing it was not going to work. I am an intellectual person, I follow psychiatry, and I was not at all a proponent or follower of the serotonin theory of depression. I tried this because I felt I was out of options and today I'm still not a proponent/follower of the serotonin theory of depression, but I do believe in my particular case Lexapro had a decisive and very significant effect. I feel it got me my life back.

SSRIs did the heavy lifting (no pun intended), but lifting weights has definitely helped also. Now I'm at a point where I believe I'm ready to go off-meds; I won't do so brutally and without adequate supervision, but I think I have a strong enough life now that I can do without them and be fine -- knowing I can always go back to them if needed.

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SyberPhule's avatar

A local clinician prescribed these to my wife after misdiagnosing her gluten intolerance as being all in her head.

She only took them a year (before they finally had her scoped and discovered she has celiac) and she had to be checked into a clinic to detox off of them for two weeks.

I have always believed that the sitcom Frasier was the most accurate representation of modern psychiatrists to date, and, that the whole industry took off when Ritalin became the 'wonder drug' to control unruly kids. Those kids are still taking meds.

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